Because if he didn't I wouldn't have to deal with the unlucky shit I do.

I just wrote a very long facebook note about how I think you are a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Facebook decided to delete it on me before I could publish it. I guess it wasn't meant to be. I'm such an "immature" person, right? I know I shouldn't write these mean things. But you made me feel like shit, so I can only return the favor in my favorite passive agressive way.

Well since I am much less angry after writing the note now lost in cyberspace, I felt that I only had a few things to write.

1) FUCK YOU. GO FUCK JENNY PECK. I know that's all you wanted from me.
2) I hope you cry more often, you fucking cry baby. You are a fucking woman.
3) How could you think that I would be okay after letting my guard down and you preceding to slap me in the goddamn fucking face?
4) FUCK YOU for ruining my entire day.
5) FUCK YOU for every mean thing you have said to me.
6) FUCK YOU for throwing me onto the floor, you abusive, controlling person.

I just wanted it noted that you specifically said when I asked you about all those fucking text messages that [and I quote] "Jenny Peck has fucking thunder thighs, I could never like her" and "it's like everytime I see Jenny she gets larger."
You said it, not me. And now the internet world knows. As if that's anybody. I hope that she knows that. I hope she sees what a fucking jerk you are.

Thank you for ruining my day when I baked you a fucking cookie cake with your FUCKING name on it.
Thank you for coming to my research poster day and pretending to give a shit when I won the award for it.
Thank you for FUCKING with my life.
Thank you for fucking me over.

I just want to say that I know you didn't want a friendship, when you said you did. And you must have been referring to me when you said you lost a friend because I think you found a new fuck buddy. Why don't you go to FUCKING hell and stay there for a while. I know you won't even read this so why am I wasting my fucking time. Because this is just another way in which you waste my time.

You wasted my time, all the times I talked to you.
You wasted my time everytime I hung out with you.

I know this is what you wanted. Me to get mad at you, and to act like a bitch so that you could go the FUCK out with Jenny Peck. Great. GO FUCKING WITH HER, YOU FUCKING SHIT FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY SHOES. Guess what? I am a huge fucking bitch and everybody already knows it. I don't give a shit anymore. You lied to me. Repeatedly. I don't have any respect for you any more.

I don't like your FUCKING Mars Volta. I think they're fucking stupid as hell. I don't FUCKING LIKE IT WHEN YOU TELL ME THAT LISTENING TO EMINEM IS SHITTY MUSIC. I don't fucking like it when you act like you cared, when you didn't. I don't fucking give a shit about you anymore.

I'm not happy for you going to Italy. I hope you die on your plane ride there. I'm not fucking happy about anything for you, ever. GO FUCK YOURSELF. Or BETTER YET, FUCK JENNY.
I guess I couldn't help it but rewrite part of the note. Once I got into it, the love just wouldn't fucking STOP.

I wonder if this is what teenage anst is all about. I'm pretty sure it's not just angst. I hate everyone. I am not angry writing this (surprisingly). I have just come to the conclusion that I hate people in general and I don't have to be mad about it. I just have to realize that some people are just retarded and others are so caught up in themselves, they don't realize what they are doing to the others around them. I think that happens to me a lot. I am one of those people who gets stepped on sometimes. Not intentionally, of course. I have bad luck; that's all. I hate people who want to change me. I had people who think they are hotttt shitt. Because what they don't see is that even if they're the special hot shit, they are still shit nevertheless. And nobody wants to be that. At least, nobody I know. I am just breathing in and out. Slowly. I feel alone. This is more than anst because it's always been this way. I've always been alone, and I always will be. Mostly because that is how I like it. If I wanted it any other way, it could be like that. But I think this way. I'm different from them and him and her, and mostly you. Well, partially because when I say "you" I am referring to the computer, but in the non-literal sense, I mean everyone who has ever been a "you." I know the bullshit about everyone being different, but the way I see it, everyone looks pretty similar to me. I won't take myself out of the picture entirely. I am just like everyone else in my clothes, labels, gossip, and friends. But on the otherside, I'm completely not like anyone I know. They simple would never even begin to grasp it. And I just sound like I'm being selfish. Yeah. I am being selfish. Sometimes I try not to be until I realize that I just don't give a damn about other people's feelings. I make it seem like I don't want people to be mad at me and that I am a generally agreeable person, but really it's not like that at all. I don't give a damn if you are pissed at me. I don't give a shit that you fell (it's funny). I don't give a shit if you want to go out (because I fucking don't). I think there are too many bitchy people running the world.
In fact, on an entirely different topic altogether, the government pisses me off. I feel like nobody ever really figured out a new government. The first people tried, but they were really counting on people after them to fix it. We never fixed it. I understand the argument that our system is working and seems to be all fine and dandy. But it's not. It's corrupt and always will be. The problem isn't the system. It's the people. Not the people in office, not the president and senators currently there. It's people in general. They are stupid, especially in masses. They are stupid and ignorant. And they base choices on religious beliefs. And religion is a pile of shit. All religion. Not just Christianity but they are my favorite to address because I know them best. I hate how everyone who believes in a religion insist that they are right. They are always right because they fucking own the world. News flash: You don't.
I don't want to go to highschool. I don't want to go to college. I don't want to live here. I don't want to be around people. I don't want to have to fight for my job. I don't want competition or the free market. I don't want to hear any more about this failing economy or the stimulus package. I don't want this earth. I don't want this time. I don't want anything, except to complain about how I hate it here. I don't even have a good reason. I'm not starving on the street. I'm just a dumbass highschooler that doesn't know anything. I guess this exemplifies my selfishness.
If this could all just stop, I would be totally fine with it. Or perhaps if you could give me some soma. Wouldn't that be good.

A New Day

So much for being interesting or important, but hey, cut me some slack here. There are still probably a million and two things I ought to be doing right now (including reading Utopia by Thomas More...which I was supposed to have started about two and a half weeks ago). What is the deal? I guess this will come back to bite me in the ass eventually, so whatever it's not a big deal. I like writing in this blog because I can write like I think (which coincidentally, is how I talk as well.) I'm trying to look up facts for impromptu while simultaneously thinking about how I need to read Utopia as well as Night. But as usual, I have to be up and going once more. This is wonderous. I need a new life. If you could order me one right up that would be fantastic. Ta ta.

Ahhh. I just finally finished basically typing up my brother's entire fucking lab report for school. He is so incompetent, I swear. And I don't even know how the hell I got into KAMSC because it just doesn't seem possible that I'm that fucking intelligent. I don't sound smart at all when I swear angrily over the internet in a blog. Hey, at least my blog is green. See, I though I would actually try to write in this daily. And I'm trying. Really. I am. But I am also tired and I just want to go to sleep right now. So despite the fact that this entry is extremely short and the fact that I have been busy as a bee all day, even now. I'm going to have to say goodbye and hope to write something more important (or for god's sake, at least interesting) tomorrow. Ta Ta.

I know you. You were curious, so you clicked the link. I have done that so many times before. Let's see how long you last on the page. Maybe, you'll acutally read this in its entirety. Well, you don't have, but I have this cool idea. You'll have to see.

Things are getting foggy. It's a Saturday afternoon and I should be doing my homework. Well, there are actually a lot of things I should/could/ought to be doing right now, but unfortuanately for all of those things I am not actually being productive. But I have a lot of good ideas. Especially for you. This is the first time I think that I will use my blog. I have subscribed to a hundred and one blogs...but never been able to stick with one long enough to remember the password. I'm going to try this time. Truly.

I have something to say, something that I wouldn't just put on facebook notes. I used to put it on facebook, but fuck that. I'm not going to anymore. This is my new sanctuary: I'm nearly positive that everyone in my biochem class thinks I'm a freak. I do freak about labs, but that's cause I'd rather work alone so that I wouldn't have anyone to blame for messing up than myself. I'm a shitty lab partner. I don't even know what possessed me to think that I know science. I don't know shit. And I suck at labs. What's a kid to do? That's alright, I don't really need other people anyways, I suppose.

Also, I'm going to put up all of my old KAMSC shit on this blog. (umm...eventually. possibly over spring break or something when I have time to find all of my stuff from Freshman year and beyond) So if you are looking for something specific, it will be here sometime in the future. Perhaps that is motive to keep coming back. Tell everyone. But not the teachers, of course. I want everyone to be able to have advantages. Additionally, I'm going to put up some of my other artsy stuff and things I write.

I will be back. I promise.